Ahhh th life of a single BBW. We are so lucky we get to deal with so much.
I had an experience this week I want to share.
Currently I am single. A while ago, I put an singles add on a community listing I thought I would try something different from the normal dating sites. Well of course I recieved many replies...but as usual I weeded out the ones I liked and the ones I didn't.
One morning before school I had recieved an email from a gentleman who seemed nice in his reply, but I wanted to see what he looked like, so I asked him to send a picture. Later that day I was home checking my email and I saw two emails, one with a picture , but he also sent me a third email. This is what this third email said was..."don't take this the wrong way, but are you shallow?".
Then I opened the email which contained the picture I requested earlier that day. I found out, we will call him....umm let's see "Bob" , happened to be a larger fella - with insecurities.
I was irrate. So I wrote "Bob" back and asked him how else was I supposed to take his last email but as an insult? I told him good luck on his search and that was that.
Next Morning another email from "Bob". Telling me how did I expect him to feel, because I did not reply to his other email immediatley . That he rarely responds to single adds, and as a larger person and a life time of people treating him differently he has been affected by the world. SOB SOB, He was sorry he had insulted me but he thought as a larger girl, I should understand what he goes through and I would reply to him right away.
What?
Oh my goodness now I was upset, but I was also concerned for this poor man who had obviously insecurities about being a plus size person, but expected me to act like a desperate fat girl and be greatful he responded to my add! I wanted to beat him up with a silly stick that day. Thanks to my heart towards this comminity I thought what "Bob" needed, like most men and their attitude towards plus size girl, is to be set straight!
Before I go on.... about my response to dear ole "Bob" his picture was not so great and he was not that attractive. Not to say he couldn't be. But his pic was not a facial close up, he was wearing a drab button up shirt, and a ball cap so it was really hiding his face. It looked like a picture of some dude on a fishing trip. Please people, when you are introducing yourself wheather it be online, in person, on the phone... always, always, always remember first impressions count.
Ok, now the rest of my story.
I told him that he basically insulted me a second time, because how dare I not reply to his email because I was a big girl and he chose me so I should be thankful. The underlying tone is how many offers are you gonna get fatty better take mine and run with it. Be thankful I responded, because I am sure you don't get many. It's a load of crap I say! I assure him I do have self confidence ( and moments I don't I fake it, till I make it) and that I have the right to pick and choose with whom I want to communicate with no matter what size I am. I also assured that if I didn't respond to him it was not because of his size, but I only respond to men I am attracted to.
(I was also in school for the whole day, and I do have a life when it comes to answering my emails.)
I then said as a larger person, he should know first impressions count, and asked why he responded to my add. It was because he was attracted to my picture. His physical attraction towards me prompted him to reply. I then asked him did he think his picture he sent me made the best impression on me or would to anyone else if he really really wanted to impress them with his big bad self. (This is the one thing men don't think about, they don't usually think about showing off their good pictures. Please work on this guys.) Could he if he chose a better picture? Yes he could of.
Yes society can suck it is hard on us because we are larger. But things won't change for us as a community unless we take charge of our own insecurities by showing pride in how we present ourselves and show everyone how deliciously sexy, pretty, handsome or all the above we are. I reminded "Bob" just because we are fat, pleasently plump, chubby or what ever you want to call it, does not mean we are not desireable. It also does not mean we do not have the right to be choosie. We have the same rights as anyone else.
Also my advise is this, next time someone doesn't respond to you right away don't assume they are not responding because of your size. There are alot of women who like larger men. Ask yourself how you present yourself. It could also be they are just busy, stop taking everything so darn personally! Life does happen you know. When you react negativley to someone's lack of response using your size as the reason, (flipping boo hoo, sob, sob) it comes across a little desprate and these kinds of things are not attractive. These insecurities affect once again how the plus size world is looked at fat, doesn't care and insecure. Stop it "Bob"! Your affecting my community and I care about that.
Vicious circle I know, but it changes over time, and it starts with ourselves. And for goodness sake if you have pictures that suck, ask a friend to help you take a good one.
I hoped you liked my little dating lesson
Missy B ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
