Fat Friendly Up your Holidays!

Today I would like to talk about the holidays and how "weight or fat" fit in.

Everyone has that family member that they come across, a snoopy aunt, a show off sibling, cranky cousin during holiday family gatherings. Prying to know what is going on in your life, asking who you are dating, if you're dating, how much money your making or what fabulous trip you will not be going on this year. Always wanting to start off the conversation talking about their weight and ending up the main bulk of the conversation being about your weight.

Or we come across the holiday meals, yes we need to be real in North America, holidays are always centered around big feasts. Everything from turkey to pie will be ours for the tasting. Hearing many comments of "Should you really be having seconds?" " I have to watch my waste line or I'm going to gain a few pounds" " I feel so guilty, I shouldn't of had that dessert" BLAH BLAH BLAH...


Let's not forget the diet industry, this has to be a big time of year for them. New Years resolution time to go on a diet, or by that gym membership. Television is fat persons friend around this time of year, that infomercial has the solution to change your life for only 4 easy payments of $39.99 but if you act now, they will make the first payment for you, so it's only 3 easy payments of $39.99!

My suggestion... Deflect the self esteem attacking army by saying, " sorry we aren't talking about that, it's the holidays it's time to have fun and be around the ones you love". We don't realize how much the conversations that we have can effect and influence other peoples thoughts and actions around us. Bet you there are children at some of these holiday parties that you are attending. What kind of message is that sending to them? What are we teaching these young ones? If you have a child who is not of perfect weight - it's going to effect their self esteem. Another child may learn it's OK to judge people because how the adults in the family act is perfectly normal. I can't even tell you how horrible our own self talk is and destructive to not only us, but like a sniper, very destructive to the esteem of others who listen.

I know we are adults, and as adults we take on different responsibilities. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves if it's toxic for our kids to hear and deal with for their own self esteem and behavior, shouldn't it be for ourselves too?

Just remember when we start standing up for ourselves, we earn respect for ourselves and maybe for someone else too.

Here's hoping your holiday filled with pleasant moments.

Missy B

Am I on the right path to a Plus Size Commitment - I think so!

I don't know how many readers I will have, but this is something I need to stay committed to. I want my reading audience to know a little about the author of this blog and why

My name is Karri, I'm up here in Canada.... "Hi from Alberta!"

Right now I am 35 years old, divorced and discovering life all over again. The last few years have been eye opening for me. I am becoming more self aware, and accepting then ever before in my life. Having grown up with a mother that had her own body issues, very thin, petite and always under eating... I did not realize what influence that had on my thoughts toward myself and others.

I didn't realize that it was ok to love myself and be ok of who I was. I hid behind clothing, wearing anything that just fit, baggy, frumpy, as long as it matched.. oh and had to be cheap... and I thought that was ok. The fact is I did not realize I was hiding, I did not realize my appearance was important to myself. I just thought it mattered what everyone else thought... and I didn't care as long as I could get along by "just" being accepted.

The thing is, it did matter. It mattered to me, but I just was not awake enough to know or understand what that meant. MY OPINION OF MYSELF, AND HOW I SEE MYSELF COUNTS TOWARDS ME. Not how my opinion of how other see me... no, no, no... but how I see myself. I have learned, when you really see who you are though your own eyes, that is when you have the power to change how you feel.

I was fortunate enough to have very loving friends and extended family to support me on the beginning of a new journey. I have discovered I am very girlie, I have a new appreciation for polka dots, pin up styles, make up, pedicures and manicures. I used to be the girl who never wore make up and or heels. I used to look like a washed up invisible fat girl.

Why am I doing this? Well a few reasons. #1 it make me feel good... I'm standing up for me, and I am standing up for other big people. #2 I love helping people see their potential especially when they can't see it. #3 Girl Power, I find women no matter what size they are face so many factors of fitting into society. We put so much pressure on our selves when it comes to family life, body image, career, financial etc, etc.

I now run into girls who are like how I was four years ago all the time. It breaks my heart to see beautiful people not seeing there own beauty. It really does, when I am at the store in a fitting room, I am a 4X,5X and I see a woman who is smaller then me looking at herself in the mirror feeling lost and defeated. I will step up. I am that girl who will help you shop for clothes and people mistake me for the sales clerk. I will make somebody feel sexy, and beautiful even if it's for a moment. I will remind you how beautiful and sexy you are, and help you see what you are really looking at... wonderful you!

Yesterday, I came across a video of a beautiful young lady who is plus size and going through some real hardships in her life. Her unbelievable courage and plea to be accepted for who she is and for people to stop bullying her and others touched my heart. As a fat person who has always been very big from childhood, I could relate to this girl. A lot of us were this little girl when we were younger or at some point in our lives. It is girls like these who inspire me. I want to motivate, show strength, understanding and just help another individual cope through the emotional hurdles of being over weight and learning to love thy self. I want to show at the end of the day, the world is changing, and it's going to be alright. I know if I had someone to get advice from, or just know there are people who have felt the same way and survived, would of really helped me when I was young.

I have been wanting to do something for 3-4 years now for the plus size community. I have a bad habit of always wanting to wait when the time is right. I always have an excuse like, when I have enough money, when I have enough time, when I build a web site, blah blah blah. I had to be honest with myself, I was miserable waiting for those moments because plus size acceptance is my true passion. So I told myself to just get off my ass and start doing it, what ever it is no matter how small just do it!

So here I am. I am trying really hard to dedicate myself to my blog on a regular basis. It's a start at least it's a start. I know more things are to come, bigger and better for sure, but it's a start.

Take Care of yourselves!

Missy B

BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN OUR PLUS SIZE COMMUNITY

Hello awesome guys and gals,

I thought today I should focus on some of the positive things I have seen or experienced with the Plus Size movement.

We are slowly being and surely being accepted.

Thanks to social media, we have blogs, fan pages, tweeters and tweets. We also have a thing called blog radio which I have come across a few radio broadcasts. One show in particular I find that they have some decent content, and just some good professional people in all sorts of plus size related businesses is the following:

http://www.lifesizeradio.net/

We have also found ways to find one another and relate with each other even if it is on a small level. Back in 2007 I decided I wanted to find what was out there in North America for the BBWs/SSBBWs and FAs. I got to experience a BBW Bash. For those of you who don't know what that is it's a convention full of plus size people and their admirers. The bash I attended is the largest one I know of it's kind. Over a 1000 people attend over a weeks period, at the Famous Las Vegas Bash. This happens annually. These bashes are a great way for people of a comman interest and group to get together and experience life like you probably never have before as a heavy person. Pure acceptance of size, and preference it truly is a beautiful thing. I highly recommend if you are a shy single plus size girl, or a fella who likes who likes the big girls, to attend one of these BBW Bashes or Plus Size Conventions at least once. I promise you it can change your life they way you ultimately accept yourself. It will be great for your confidence, and you will experience you are not alone.

There I learned they actually have these bashes all over the U.S. and some in Canada. They also have some great BBW/Plus Size Friendly night clubs through out the U.S.. These clubs usually sponsor a night at a bash or convention, where there is a DJ rockin some tunes, and everyone is feeling free and confident to be themselves. Plus size euphoria.

What else you ask?

People are really putting themselves out there for the community in great ways.

We now have REAL Plus Size female entertainers that can hold there own and don't shoot down being overweight as a horrible thing, they promote plus size acceptance and self acceptance.

Some of these heroic queens are:

Beth Ditto

The Glamazons

Monique

There are even some Men in this world who are really trying to advocate the acceptance and beauty of plus size women in the way they see it:

Leanord Nemoy - yes Spock! - he takes pictures of us, and does radio talk shows in support of us

Mika - sings about us

Les Toil - draws us

Even this gentleman, I predict in the next 5-10 years, his companies may very well become household name for anyone who is plus size or an admirer of the plus size,



Zik the Producer and Publisher of BODacious well Everything! - I really think he is the new Hugh Hefner of the plus size adult world, but this fella is more then about the adult industry, I guarantee he really is a true advocate of the Plus Size Acceptance Movement. From BBW bashes, Club Nights and Tasteful Sensual Photography and of course his other naughty projects this guys does it all for us. Heck he has also started a movement to get Bodacious in the dictionary - so click here and sign the petition.

http://whatsyournumber.org

So to all my friends in Curvyville, as you can see there are some great strides that are being made for us as a whole. These are just a few samples how things are changing. These are exciting times, and I can't wait to see what is going to happen next. Yes! The Plus Size Movement is finally moving!

Take care of yourselves!

Missy B

FAT GIRL FEARS

Hey Ladies and Gents...

I was thinking today, what are some of the things that you never really hear a crowd of fat people never really talk about unless it's brought up through someone else who isn't fat.

I thought I would list some of topics, and issue we as the plumperellas and heaftyfellas face on a day to day basis, as we are all to self conscious to bring them up ourselves.

I like to call these "FAT FEARS"



fat friendly seating-for some of us extra heavier guys and gals... the booth could be a hit or miss

first time exposed when we are naked in front of your lover - lights on

feeling as a good "fit" with your partner - during the spicy play time

OH MY FAVORITE - FLYING ON A AIRPLANE - not only what are they gonna say when you check in... but just being comfortable on the plane ride

when somebody asks you to sit on there lap and you have no clue they are an FA

stiletto heels and weak ankles

bathing suit season

keeping up with the your own young ones

name calling in public

bra shopping

doctor visits

family and friend embarrassment issues

for the younger folk - gym class running laps and climbing ropes

size discrimination at the job

somebody parking waaaaaay too close to your car on the driver side

somebody making a remark when they see you carrying a diet cola



Okay I think this is a good few

We have to remember that we are all human... and if you have a fear that you are embarrassed about, the odds are somebody out there has the same one, or a few more to top your list.  We can't ever let our weight stop us from living... never, never, never! Most of the time, I like to think people around us are pretty understanding and nice.  Heck.... sometimes they have no clue, what we are going through as large people and it's right in front of their face.  We forget, maybe they are going through their own thing.  If a fear is in front of you... take a leap of faith and see what happens. And if you end up in an uncomfortable position, remember it's better to get the torture over with and rip the band aid off quickly,  then to rip it off slowly. 

From a fellow human to another, I am sorry and it sucks you gotta go through these things.  The silver lining is that when we face our fears, and find there is a problem, we can try to map out a solution at the end of the day.  The key is not to give up... and be upfront and honest about any situation, but mostly with yourself.  Remember that you weren't the first person to stumble across the problem and won't be the last.  Maybe, just maybe you will become a little braver to approach a situation for the next time.  One of the best things we can do is stand up for our selves and not hide.  This is when we find solutions.

Take care of yourselves!

Missy B

Frumpy Fat Girls - I get mad at you too.

I know I have written about how I don't agree with the general plus size girls who is looking for acceptance when they pose in a pair of booty shorts or some naked upside down pic that is supposed to lure men to talk to them. This giving the stereo type of big girls being easy or desperate < --- no decent self respecting guy is going to want that for a commitment... he'll just see us as short term fun I want to rant about the other plus size girl that pisses me off. Miss Frumpy Frumpy=Dumpy Once again my point is that hiding behind an ugly moo-moo like top, or wearing clothes just because they fit does not help the rise and acceptance of the big girl. How you dress is an expression of how you feel about yourself. Take some time find something that looks good and FITS right. I don't care if you are a size 14 or a size 32 I believe you could look good at any size. Wearing clothes that hide you, or just not caring including not wearing make up or having your hair done just puts you in a stereo type.... in fact it puts all of us in a stereo type. I'm tired of plus size women put in the category of lazy and slobish. So take charge. And if you don't have any fashion sense.... not to worry that's what girlfriends are for. Heck you could even just ask a "put together" fat girl at the clothing store for assistance, and I bet you she'd be tickled pink to help you with a make over. If that does not work... heck you could approach me the author of this blog or I bet any other fat girl on the net who is open to fighting for the plump revolution. We all are fighting the same battle.

And please when I use the word fat, don't be insulted... it is what we are... It is not a bad word at all... It's real. In fact I don't think fat=ugly. To me fat = round, full, soft and voluptuous.

As all my rants go, if you want the plus size community to be accepted, it starts with everyone of us.... including you Miss Frumpy! Stop it because it pisses me off, for me, for our community and even for yourself.

You owe it to yourself and to all others who can relate to you to show your true beauty. I promise when you dress well it gives you more confidence, and just feels good. People also value you more when you take pride in what you look like. Be fat, be proud and show it by dressing the way you want to feel. If you don't feel so beautiful on the inside... fake it till you make it I say... with practice and time you will feel different, I guarantee it.

Take care of yourselves

Missy B ;)

Big People - White coat syndrome - avoiding doctors

I was thinking about the blog I wrote the other night. It really got me thinking. Why did I start this blog? I started it because the plus size community is my passion, and I think I can share some insight to others who just can't see things about themselves... and or just people who don't need to feel alone.

When I was the age of three, I grew very fast in a span of months wide and tall.... we are talking more then 10 pounds and inches each... to the point my pediatrician wanted to hospitalize me. The pediatrician I had at the time was bound and determined to cure me of my obesity. They convinced my parents that this was the right thing to do... so I would have a better life. The weird thing was that I grew up on my mother's diet.... till this day she is still rail thin. My mother was born with diabeties and has always been self conscious of what she puts in her body. (infact I will be honest I think my mother may of even under ate)

Even weirder....Was I in pain? As far as I remember, I was in no physical pain. I think the experience was far more painful and something I struggle to work with on a regular basis emotionally and traumatically.

I remember bits and pieces from that part of my childhood, and I just confirmed with my mother the other week I was in the hospital a total of six months. SIX MONTHS! Just because I was a kid who sprouted and gained weight ( just a large growth spurt)

I remember spending my 4th birthday in the hospital... and that there was another girl who shared the same birthday.... two cakes to celebrate... pink and yellow.... I got the yellow :( I was devastated, even at the age of four I knew pink was it! Everyday for six months the doctors tested me they took blood from this kid, I remember I used to fear the nurses coming in my room every morning, it got to the point I was terrified every morning because I knew needle time was coming , and it was for more of my blood... always five viles. The nurses would tie my legs together with my blankie to keep me from kicking. I even remember stupid meals. I roomed with this kid that was in an oxegyn bubble. I remember how heart broken I would be when I did not get visitors. I remember standing at the window just waiting to see the top of my parents station wagon pull into the hospital parking lot from the main road.

I was scolded when my doctor and others would visit to study me like I was some freakish side show. According to my mother she finally pulled me out and told the doctor it was six months, I had not lost any weight I was coming home... enough was enough.

She took me to a different doctor for a few years after that, but I had to revisit this same doctor who hospitalized me around the age of 8 for special reasons again and I remember him telling my mother how I would die or have a heart attack if I did not lose weight. I remember him being very stern with me and making me cry... How is a child responsible for their weight?

my diet was careful
I was involved with sports

WHY AM I SCARED OF DOCTORS? maybe a little of the above

But I have to say it's not a good thing to let your past haunt and control you.

today I am still petrified of doctors, because everytime I go into a doctors office, especially if it's not my regular doctor, it's always a reminder how bad my health is due to my weight blah, blah blah. <-- also a direct reminder of my direct trauma.... which is ironic, because doctors are supposed to help you heal.

my point is we gotta get past it. Till this day no matter how scared I am, I have to weigh the pros and cons. (no pun intended)



To sum up... if you are scared of the doctor... you are not alone.

We as a plus size community have to stand up for ourselves. If your doctor has a bad bed side manner or only focuses on what they see... your weight... remember you are paying their salary... tell him or her to knock it off! Tell them being overweight is no secret to you, .... tell them to treat you for the reason why you are there first places, then if you are open to discussing your weight then do so. (we do have to be open that our weight can affect our health, but it is definatley not the only thing that can affect it.) Keep in mind there are some really nice medical professionals out there that are only trying to help.... be open... but remember you did not go to get lectured about just being obese.... you went to get healed so keep focused and stay strong. (I have actually done this it feels so good) remember when you stand up to the medical professions who only think calories in and calories out.... you are helping future overweight patients and yourself for your next visit. And if you visit a second time and still feel that they only focus on your weight... time to change doctors. You will only visit a doctor regularly that you feel comfortable with. There are fat friendly doctors out there, take the time to find one who is right for you. Your health is worth it.

Well thank you for letting me share my story...

take good care of yourselves out there!

Missy B.

Fat Women - More things to talk about then porn, food and clothes

I am tired of same issues over, and over again about the plus size comminity. Either we are categorized in 3 major groups

Fat girls who only care about food
Fat girls who are only sexy if they are on bbw porn - as a fetish
Fat girls - obvious power house of the fashion world - plus size clothing

Now I am not complaining about finally starting to be accepted. But if we really want to be truly accepted we need to be respected. We need to be open and address everyday issues that happen with being overweight.

Like:

Have you avoided going to see a health professional, because you are tired of being scolded for your current weight? ( which did not happen over night)

How about talking about sex in a new relationship and how your body issues could possibly stand in the way of a healthy sex life?

How he needs to be open and honest with himself about liking larger women.

How about big women be ok and open with liking thinner men?

Being a big parent and trying to not let your weight get in the way of keeping up with your kids?

My favorite... fat friendly stuff: parking, booths.... airplane companies

Fat should not equal frumpy?

Job discrimination?

Working out/eating normal still fat?

Weight loss surgery backfires?

Weight loss pills not work?

Seriously to all my biggies and friends of.... We are who we are, so lets stop hiding and just deal with it. Let's love to live large or at any size, but to be respected.

Take care of yourselves

Missy B.

TV tackling 'BIG' Issues

Is it just me or are you sick of all the lose weight shows? I am happy to say the networks are starting to get it... they know there is a niche for the plus size audience and fans... but it's getting them to stick with these new gambles...well now that's a challange. Last year we had Fox's More to Love, a plus size bachelor style show, Oxygen's Moniques Fat Chance, and HBO's Fat Actress. This year's very short lived "HUGE" on ABC. Atleast we still have Showcase's Drop Dead Diva! And God Bless Amber Riley for representing the big and beautiful on the biggest hit show Glee as Mercedes Jones.... which I wish her little dating story with bad boy puck would continue.

Real shows with real plus size people.... The only thing is I wish this stuff would not last for only a couple short lived seasons. I think if some of these networks stuck it out like ABC for HUGE they would be surprised they would get a following, well that is my opinion. The other thing about these show they are not focused on weight loss being the main issue of the story. - Even Fat Actress was more about living large then just losing. I quit watching Kirsty's new show because once again it seemed to focus on weight loss much more then her last series. I want to see a show that celebrates us for being who we are. Am I asking too much. This is the stuff not only we watch but you girls.... and I think we need shows that promote good self esteem at any size especially the female youth.

Well that is my rant for the moment... please feel free to add your comments. I just want whom ever you are to just be proud of you are right now. Love the skin your in no matter what. Life is too short, and if we want the plus size community to be accepted on TV, the big screen, magazines or etc.... it has to start with ourselves. Only then can we really root in mainstream media.

take care of yourselves!

Missy B (digitalkarri)

It's a beautiful world out there.

I was at the coffee shop the other day, and I met the most beautiful plus size gal that I have met in a long time. I am talking in an appreciation context. She had stopped me and commented about liking my pink sweater, and when I looked at her, she had a very different style about her. It was not the norm like make up and hair so perfect. Her style was simple and totally her own. She was I'd say mid thirties, her hair was thinner, and short, blonde and kind of a longer mowhalk style. She dressed in a simple cotton feminine style blouse, and you could just tell she was very comfortable with who she is. I am still taken back by that moment. We chatted a little and then I left. She had this profound effect on me. I love to see real women confident and comfortable in with who they are. It was awesome. I strive for that, it sounds corny but she was truly beautiful in my eyes.

It's those moments, when people like that can touch your life in silly but fascinating ways that inspire me.

I only hope that I pass that magic on to someone once in a while. That is something that speaks to my heart.

Love who you are, appreciate who you are.

Missy B

Have you ever thought?

Sometimes I think I am this cool kid stuck in this misfit body. Do you ever have messed up thoughts like this?

Even I can be way too hard on myself for my physical apperance. I have to remember I am cool inside and out. Ahh the internal war and external war of self acceptance.

Remembering being judged sucks, no matter who we are.

We all have a right to an opinion . We all have rights to our preferences. I get upset when I see woman being spiteful and mean to each other. Same goes with fat girls being purposely mean each other. When are going to realize we are all on the same team and standing up for each other only makes us stronger as a community. I really have a hard time with this. We need to celebrate our differences and build one another up.

As a plus size community especially, if we want to be accepted as the norm, we have to back each other up. We are worth that. I see too many catty fat women being petty with each other on regular basis, because they are threatened themselves by other fat women. Stop being threatened and get influenced! We might spread some beauty that way.

This was my short and cute rant.

Love always
Missy B

Stop telling me how I got fat! Stop trying to fix me!

This is for everyone who is overweight alot or a little. But this is especially for all my big gals who struggle everyday with judgement being cast upon them.

I am always amazed at people who have the balls to not only assume they know how I got to be the size I am, but they always have this magic formula to solve my weight "problem". I have been told and shown magic beans that I can take, great tasting saw dusty like shakes... or my particular favorite and most popular - DIET and EXERCISE.

Wow! Why didn't I think of that? I didn't know it was that easy! Just that simple, yeah! Well I hope I speak for the lot of big folks and just for all you know it alls out there just FU@*K @FF! Or no! Continue reading and be educated. Now that I got that out of the way...

I don't think you understand, not all fat people became fat because we eat too much. Not all of us are lazy either! And please don't think being fat has been a choice well received by us. I don't know about the rest of you big gals, but I just wanted to be around 300lbs and have to squeeze my ass uncomfortably in an air plane seat. This is my dream!

I happen to be big due to a hormone issue. I have also gained weight from prescription weight loss pills, that was awesome, my body went into starvation mode and held onto everything! I also have gained weight from antidepressants. I have tried alot of things over the years.

Here's some things I have done to try to lose weight:

• stop eating or just once a day
• my favorite EX LAX
• aerobics seven days a week
  
• swim seven days a week
  
• speed walkin
  
• extreme stair climbing
  
• sauna
• weight watchers
• hypnosis
• prescription weight loss pills
• over the counter weight loss pills
• fad diet - no carbs
• cabbage soup diet
• registered dietitian diet
• strict 3 day diet
• body cleanse
• I have even gone to an over eater's anonymous meeting
  
• If I think of anymore I will update it

The only thing I have not tried is a weight loss surgery. Forget that! That is my last and final move. Only if my quality of life is affected by my mobility, then maybe. I have known too many people with bad experiences and most have not lost or kept weight off.

And if someone is big because of food. They probably had a good part of their life living skinny. You lucky ducks! It doesn't matter, if someone falls apart physically it's usually due to depression or other emotional stress and my heart goes out to those people. You previously thinner folks have to face where you are right now and where you have been, that can't be easy. For some of us chunky monkeys, we have no experience of how being skinny should feel because we never have been.

If you have to make your life harder in other areas to try to improve one area, and if your efforts probably won't work, why the heck are you torturing yourself? That is really hard on your emotions and self esteem. Society dictates to us which I'm so sick of because there is enough of us fatties to out way the skinny population. Why is this still acceptable? I am not saying you can't change, change is great. But be real about it, and love and accept yourself who you are now. Be ok with yourself before you try doing these changes because all you will do if they don't work out is beat yourself up. Ouch.

I have been extremely overweight since I was four. I am done fighting a battle that seems to be senseless. I have been fighting this battle with tools society has given me, they don't match the symptoms I have. In fact some things I have are incurable. I'm going to have this body all my life. I have made the conscious decision to be the best fat girl I could possibly be. Instead of hating it....I'm celebrating it. That is what this blog is about.

My other comment I would like to make to my plump peeps, if you don't stand up for yourself when people do this to you, it affects all of us. So stand up for yourself! It's good for you, your self esteem and your plus size community. If we have to make one person at a time we are their equal, that is what we have to do. It really does all start with one person. How did women get to vote? Remember?

To all of you know it alls out there, think next time you make a comment about or to someone before you try to solve the issue of that person being overweight. Before you make a comment, look at yourself, what are your issues? Because I would sure love to have the ability to see them, and I would give it back to you. I'd love to solve and fix you. What is it? Stop stereotyping and judging. Our physical being is only part of who we are. In fact our physical bodies is part of our journey and if you have seen some of the things we as a fat community have faced...you might see that we have strength and have faced some obstacles in our lives that not everyone can concur.


I think it is possible to be fat and fabulous. I think I am on my way to getting there, and I hope some of you feel the same way about yourselves.

Be kind to you.

Missy B

Plus size men have insecurities too, Stop making the single BBW pay for it!

Ahhh th life of a single BBW. We are so lucky we get to deal with so much.

I had an experience this week I want to share.



Currently I am single. A while ago, I put an singles add on a community listing I thought I would try something different from the normal dating sites. Well of course I recieved many replies...but as usual I weeded out the ones I liked and the ones I didn't.



One morning before school I had recieved an email from a gentleman who seemed nice in his reply, but I wanted to see what he looked like, so I asked him to send a picture. Later that day I was home checking my email and I saw two emails, one with a picture , but he also sent me a third email. This is what this third email said was..."don't take this the wrong way, but are you shallow?".



Then I opened the email which contained the picture I requested earlier that day. I found out, we will call him....umm let's see "Bob" , happened to be a larger fella - with insecurities.



I was irrate. So I wrote "Bob" back and asked him how else was I supposed to take his last email but as an insult? I told him good luck on his search and that was that.



Next Morning another email from "Bob". Telling me how did I expect him to feel, because I did not reply to his other email immediatley . That he rarely responds to single adds, and as a larger person and a life time of people treating him differently he has been affected by the world. SOB SOB, He was sorry he had insulted me but he thought as a larger girl, I should understand what he goes through and I would reply to him right away.



What?



Oh my goodness now I was upset, but I was also concerned for this poor man who had obviously insecurities about being a plus size person, but expected me to act like a desperate fat girl and be greatful he responded to my add! I wanted to beat him up with a silly stick that day. Thanks to my heart towards this comminity I thought what "Bob" needed, like most men and their attitude towards plus size girl, is to be set straight!



Before I go on.... about my response to dear ole "Bob" his picture was not so great and he was not that attractive. Not to say he couldn't be. But his pic was not a facial close up, he was wearing a drab button up shirt, and a ball cap so it was really hiding his face. It looked like a picture of some dude on a fishing trip. Please people, when you are introducing yourself wheather it be online, in person, on the phone... always, always, always remember first impressions count.



Ok, now the rest of my story.



I told him that he basically insulted me a second time, because how dare I not reply to his email because I was a big girl and he chose me so I should be thankful. The underlying tone is how many offers are you gonna get fatty better take mine and run with it. Be thankful I responded, because I am sure you don't get many. It's a load of crap I say! I assure him I do have self confidence ( and moments I don't I fake it, till I make it) and that I have the right to pick and choose with whom I want to communicate with no matter what size I am. I also assured that if I didn't respond to him it was not because of his size, but I only respond to men I am attracted to.



(I was also in school for the whole day, and I do have a life when it comes to answering my emails.)



I then said as a larger person, he should know first impressions count, and asked why he responded to my add. It was because he was attracted to my picture. His physical attraction towards me prompted him to reply. I then asked him did he think his picture he sent me made the best impression on me or would to anyone else if he really really wanted to impress them with his big bad self. (This is the one thing men don't think about, they don't usually think about showing off their good pictures. Please work on this guys.) Could he if he chose a better picture? Yes he could of.



Yes society can suck it is hard on us because we are larger. But things won't change for us as a community unless we take charge of our own insecurities by showing pride in how we present ourselves and show everyone how deliciously sexy, pretty, handsome or all the above we are. I reminded "Bob" just because we are fat, pleasently plump, chubby or what ever you want to call it, does not mean we are not desireable. It also does not mean we do not have the right to be choosie. We have the same rights as anyone else.



Also my advise is this, next time someone doesn't respond to you right away don't assume they are not responding because of your size. There are alot of women who like larger men. Ask yourself how you present yourself. It could also be they are just busy, stop taking everything so darn personally! Life does happen you know. When you react negativley to someone's lack of response using your size as the reason, (flipping boo hoo, sob, sob) it comes across a little desprate and these kinds of things are not attractive. These insecurities affect once again how the plus size world is looked at fat, doesn't care and insecure. Stop it "Bob"! Your affecting my community and I care about that.



Vicious circle I know, but it changes over time, and it starts with ourselves. And for goodness sake if you have pictures that suck, ask a friend to help you take a good one.

I hoped you liked my little dating lesson

Missy B ;)

Hey BBW do you feel like giving up on dating?

Hey Ladies!

I just want to tell you that if you are single and tired of the dating life, you are not alone. Don't give up. I am here to remind you that being single can be a good thing. I want to remind you, that dating is supposed to be fun or at least a learning experience and that their is a purpose for it....


Choice... We do have it
I want to remind you that you are beautiful, bountiful and worth the effort. Just because we have jiggle, doesn't mean we have any less right to choice to the quality men we date. I don't want you to settle, heck I don't want to settle! When we date sometimes the focus is on just to be with another person because we feel lonely....sometimes we loose site of why we date. Dating is about exploring and sampling what is out their.

You have to kiss alot of frogs before you find a prince!

You need to ask yourself, if everyman you date is special or the one, how will you know when the right one is infront of your face? I'm glad when I date, I realize their are alot of dorks, or just men that don't suit me. When I am on a date and get an "ah hah!" moment like wow we seemed to really click, that is a green flag to remind you.... this is the stuff you are looking for. This is what ultimately is going to make your mate special. Who wants to pull Mr. Right out of the dork pile? I don't.


Men do like large women...Really?
Remember their are men who love all types of girls, and their are also men who prefer large women. That's right I said it! There really are men who love big beautiful girls. Let me remind you when I say this, I choose my words carefully, because I don't ever like to say men have a "fetish" for big girls. It's a preference. I look at a fetish as something to do with an action or an object with a living and sensual choice. Let me be clear their is nothing wrong with that either. Just because someone likes us because we are different from what North American Society dictates to us, does not mean we should be grouped as a fetish. Just like we might like men tall, thin, or older (those are just some of mine) people have preferences. Girls are you one of those women who like bad boys and men who are rough around the edges? Would you say you have a tough guy fetish? Noway. People can choose to prefer a larger person. And why not? More to love, more to hold.....and just more beauty and greatness to look at my loves! That being said... we can also change our minds and try new things, and not be closed off to stick with one category or type of man we want to date.

Don't settle!
Easier said then done right? As women we have been trained to be nurturing and compassionate. This is where the problem come in when we don't see we have settled. For one thing, we are high on being "in like" with someone. It feels good to be kissed, hold hands and even have sex on a regular basis. There is somebody at the end of the day that is going to interact with us intimately which doesn't come on a regular occurrence. Well right now your probably saying yeah, right so why are you telling me I am settling?

Here are some questions for you to be truthful about.

1. Does your mate encourage you to have individual time for yourself and with your girlfriends without making you feel guilty?
2. Does your partner earn your respect and trust by showing you how much they cherish you... not just talk, but walking the walk?
3. Do they ask you how your day is and care genuinely care about your answer on a daily basis?
4. Do you fight fair, no name calling, no pushing buttons, but healthy disagreements?
5. Do they care about your satisfaction as much as theirs every time you are intimate?
6. Can you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life just as they are right now... remember every single day of your life?

Ah hah! If you said NO to any of these you are totally settling. How are you going to find Mr. Right if you are too busy with Mr. Wrong?

We are all scared of dating. For some dumb reason we have been told by society we are not good enough because we are bigger. Stop thinking who else is going to love me? When will I get another chance? I can't be picky because I am fat. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! I want you to know all women of all shapes and all sizes and even men in fact have the same darn insecurities as we do. I promise it is the truth.

Remember your worth
You are a Goddess. You were put on this earth to live your life to it's fullest potential. You deserve to sample all life has to offer.

Catch a guy looking at you while you were out? Instead of being negative, have you ever thought he might be admiring what he sees? You! Round, plump, full and curvy. Wonderful, pretty,beautiful sexy you! It's true. Why wouldn't he?

Don't forget you are very smart! Have you ever fought with your girlfriend over a guy she's dating because you totally see no way, no how, is he remotely good enough for your friend? You do this because you personally know how smart and awesome your best friend is. You fight so hard with her because you love her. You know her values and what she can offer to some great guy is just going to make his life even more magic. You need to have these kind of discussions with yourself. You need to see yourself in this light. We are only friends with people who we are attracted to. We are attracted to people who we share common bonds with. Like attracts like.

We are all entitled to riches this world has to offer, one of them being choice. Another is self awareness. We have a choice in how we see our selves. If you treat yourself good, and start to realize how awesome you are, I promise you will start weeding the good from the bad, and experiencing better options coming your way more frequently.

Conclusion
Dating is supposed to help us weed out the good from the bad. Dating is also about self discovery. So next time you are on a date or even just chatting it up before a potential one. Take some mental notes. See how you feel. Try to recognize red flags and green flags. At times you will get sick going on bad dates and feel like you keep reunning into the same wall. That is a pretty good indication you need a break from the dating world. At that time take one. And while you are taking that break take a moment to revisist some of the new stuff you have learned about yourself while on these not so great dates. You might just get tuned in with some great energy and thought about how to attempt your next dating round. Remember you have the choice and I hope they are all healthy and happy ones.

Happy Dating... and maybe even mating...lol!

Missy B.