Big People - White coat syndrome - avoiding doctors

I was thinking about the blog I wrote the other night. It really got me thinking. Why did I start this blog? I started it because the plus size community is my passion, and I think I can share some insight to others who just can't see things about themselves... and or just people who don't need to feel alone.

When I was the age of three, I grew very fast in a span of months wide and tall.... we are talking more then 10 pounds and inches each... to the point my pediatrician wanted to hospitalize me. The pediatrician I had at the time was bound and determined to cure me of my obesity. They convinced my parents that this was the right thing to do... so I would have a better life. The weird thing was that I grew up on my mother's diet.... till this day she is still rail thin. My mother was born with diabeties and has always been self conscious of what she puts in her body. (infact I will be honest I think my mother may of even under ate)

Even weirder....Was I in pain? As far as I remember, I was in no physical pain. I think the experience was far more painful and something I struggle to work with on a regular basis emotionally and traumatically.

I remember bits and pieces from that part of my childhood, and I just confirmed with my mother the other week I was in the hospital a total of six months. SIX MONTHS! Just because I was a kid who sprouted and gained weight ( just a large growth spurt)

I remember spending my 4th birthday in the hospital... and that there was another girl who shared the same birthday.... two cakes to celebrate... pink and yellow.... I got the yellow :( I was devastated, even at the age of four I knew pink was it! Everyday for six months the doctors tested me they took blood from this kid, I remember I used to fear the nurses coming in my room every morning, it got to the point I was terrified every morning because I knew needle time was coming , and it was for more of my blood... always five viles. The nurses would tie my legs together with my blankie to keep me from kicking. I even remember stupid meals. I roomed with this kid that was in an oxegyn bubble. I remember how heart broken I would be when I did not get visitors. I remember standing at the window just waiting to see the top of my parents station wagon pull into the hospital parking lot from the main road.

I was scolded when my doctor and others would visit to study me like I was some freakish side show. According to my mother she finally pulled me out and told the doctor it was six months, I had not lost any weight I was coming home... enough was enough.

She took me to a different doctor for a few years after that, but I had to revisit this same doctor who hospitalized me around the age of 8 for special reasons again and I remember him telling my mother how I would die or have a heart attack if I did not lose weight. I remember him being very stern with me and making me cry... How is a child responsible for their weight?

my diet was careful
I was involved with sports

WHY AM I SCARED OF DOCTORS? maybe a little of the above

But I have to say it's not a good thing to let your past haunt and control you.

today I am still petrified of doctors, because everytime I go into a doctors office, especially if it's not my regular doctor, it's always a reminder how bad my health is due to my weight blah, blah blah. <-- also a direct reminder of my direct trauma.... which is ironic, because doctors are supposed to help you heal.

my point is we gotta get past it. Till this day no matter how scared I am, I have to weigh the pros and cons. (no pun intended)



To sum up... if you are scared of the doctor... you are not alone.

We as a plus size community have to stand up for ourselves. If your doctor has a bad bed side manner or only focuses on what they see... your weight... remember you are paying their salary... tell him or her to knock it off! Tell them being overweight is no secret to you, .... tell them to treat you for the reason why you are there first places, then if you are open to discussing your weight then do so. (we do have to be open that our weight can affect our health, but it is definatley not the only thing that can affect it.) Keep in mind there are some really nice medical professionals out there that are only trying to help.... be open... but remember you did not go to get lectured about just being obese.... you went to get healed so keep focused and stay strong. (I have actually done this it feels so good) remember when you stand up to the medical professions who only think calories in and calories out.... you are helping future overweight patients and yourself for your next visit. And if you visit a second time and still feel that they only focus on your weight... time to change doctors. You will only visit a doctor regularly that you feel comfortable with. There are fat friendly doctors out there, take the time to find one who is right for you. Your health is worth it.

Well thank you for letting me share my story...

take good care of yourselves out there!

Missy B.